Second Soliloquy
A journey into the mindscape...
Marching Madness
Sleepy. The graduation stuff really tired me out today. All that standing up, walking, fanning, standing up in a cramped situation, walking around, and finally, taking pictures. Or rather, getting my picture taken. I decided, since it's graduation anyway, that I'd join in the pictures, even if I normally wouldn't. Last chance, anyway...I still don't feel that enthusiastic about graduating.
We're supposed to be getting our report cards tomorrow... if we're done with clearance. Nobody really expects to, with all the STR stuff, and others. In my case, I'm wondering if I'll finally finish clearance at enrollment time again, just like the last 3 years.
I'm playing the opening song from Hunter X Hunter, again, for the third time. It's nice, even if I have no idea what's being said. It just sounds nice.
I don't think I'm making much sense. Maybe I should go back to sleep. Aftrnoon napping. Oh, wait, I still have to fix up my STR paper. Those revisions are evil. They will never let me rest, will they?
Moving Out
Every now and then, I reflect on how I feel about certain things, and you know what? I don't feel like I'm graduating, and I don't feel like I want to.I mean, after 4 years of going to the same school, I'm already used to life in Pisay. Graduating and going up to college would be a big change in my life, and I honestly don't like big changes like that. Of course, without any change things would quickly get boring. But I like it better when changes are small, so I can quickly get used to the new environment.
I know I'm going to be graduating, and I also know that I'm going off to college soon. But somehow, I find it hard to believe, as if I'm in denial about it. Right now, I'm just going through the motions, but my heart's just not in it. I don't want to believe I'm graduating already.
I'm not ready to leave yet.
Imagine Getting The XL Size Toga And The SMALL Hat
So I was late in getting the togas. I was supposed to get them last Friday, but I only got them today. So I ended up getting the largest size toga, and the smallest size hat, both of which aren't my size, but were the only sizes left. I can just imagine... and yes, you can laugh now.Today also happens to be the last day of grad practice. Somehow, I fail to appreciate the significance of all the ceremonies. Inside, I don't feel that going through 4 years in Pisay, in the academic sense so celebrated at the graduation ceremonies, is that significant. Sorry, but I just don't put that much value in those kinds of things.
I wonder how many people think the same way?
Withdrawal Symptoms
So I can't exactly call it withdrawal, since I'm not trying to stop myself from... something. The thing is, I'm accessing the internet using prepaid dialup cards. The other day, the last one expired, since I keep using it a lot. Especially when there aren't any classes, and when I'm stuck in the house, when I end up spending 6 hours total or more in a day. I couldn't get another one until this afternoon. The bottom line is, I was denied internet access for a day and a half. And all the while, I was getting annoying, bugging people to get me another one soon, particularly my parents.Though, in the length of time that I couldn't access the internet, I really had no real use for it anyway. All I had to wait for was a day and a half, when we went out. Could it be that I'm getting really addicted to the internet? Hm...
Happy Birthday Louie!
It was Louie's birthday yesterday. So he decided to have a nice little party at his house. Some people were staying overnight, so I decided to join in. Then, I spent the night playing Magic, Super Smash Brothers, a bit of Warcraft, and a lot of darts in between. Hardly got any sleep at all. Mojie and I stopped playing Smash Brothers at around... 5 in the morning?Yup, I'm still at Louie's. I'm going to start on some of those Calvin and Hobbes comics later before I leave.
The Batch Activity Called LEADS
Preparation (Sunday night):
Gathered all the stuff I needed, and wanted to fit all the stuff into one bag. It did, except for the other bag which I would use later when I get back, so I settled on using both. I finished a long time before midnight, but I decided that I might risk waking up late for the 6:00AM departure, so I stayed up and used the Internet as a coffee substitute. Fell asleep anyway, but luckily woke up around 5:15, just in time to make final preparations and leave (it takes me only around 5 minutes to get to Pisay, by the way).
Day 1:
When we get to Angel's Hills (the venue for the thing), we are soon gerrted with a rather memorable lecture by Cromwell about the rules. We were then passed on to our facilitator, Tita Becky. She's okay, and I have some respect for her, but most of my batchmates found her really, really annoying. After registration and a short discussion of the first activity, we were sent to lunch. The activity, by the way, is to pair up (same gender, since the boys have a different dining hall), with one blindfolded. The other has to guide the other to the dining hall, then assist the blindfolded one so they can both have lunch. After lunch, we got settled into the dormitories while the girls went to their respective cottages (why can't we get the cottages, for a change?). Some time later, we went back to the conference hall to discus the first activity. This kind of discussion is done after every activity, so it gets boring and tediously repetitive after the first, especially since the same questions are asked all the time.
The first talk, however, was rather lively. The speaker was really energetic, gave a very powerful delivery, and seemed to get the entire batch listening. Especially the "I'm GREAT!!!" parts.
Marvin gets the unofficial Speaker of the Year Award for his rendition of the Growing Good Corn story.
One time we were asked to make a Wheel of Life, where you're given a paper plate, then you have to partition it into seven parts representing seven aspects, then put down your plans for the future, using either a picture, some writing, or a mixture of both. We were supposed to learn something about ourselves. I didn't, though at least writing it down set it straight in my mind. More like everyone else learned something about me.
After dinner was a series of 3-minute one-on-one chat sessions with each of your classmates (we weren't grouped randomly until day 2). We were arranged in a flattened circle, so that you were always face-to-face with someone. You had 3 minutes to talk with that person about stuff, then everyone rotated and changed partners. Now I learned something about myself (and a bit about others). My greatest discoveries that time were that (1) I'm not anti-social, but it does take me a lot of time to open up to people, and (2) people from Truth really want to know more about me, if only I weren't so mysterious. I love my section now. Not that I hated them before (why would I?), it's just that I never felt that attatched to my section before. Not back in Dia, not back in Rosal, not back in Potassium. Not even for most of the year in Truth. I hope you guys understand.
We took so long, though, that there wasn't much left of the midnight snack. So after a bit of food, I went back to the dorm, played Magic for a bit, then settled off to sleep.
Day 2:
First thing after breakfast: another talk, this time, about the first three habits in the 7 habits of effective people or something. Here, the speaker talks about having a big picture to reach for, having steps to take to get there, knowing the minimum effort required, and a bit of other stuff. It makes me think how my big picture is different from some other people's.
My big picture doesn't include having a lot of money to spend, or being a big successful person (the kind of success the world sees). Influential, maybe, but I have a different kind of influence in mind. I, in the span of 10 or so years, will work as a counsellor (guidance counsellor?), or a teacher. Money wouldn't matter to me at that point, as long as I have enough to sustain my physical existence. I would be an inspiration to others, encouraging them to live up to their own potentials, not just for themselve, but for others as well.
After that, more activities. First, the flying vessel made of a single sheet of paper, the one that goes the farthest wins. Second and last, keeping a beachball aloft over your heads, most taps on the ball wins (or, well, it's 1 point per tap anyway). They should have known that students from a school that promotes creativity and innovation would proabably come up with off-the-wall solutions.
The next talk honestly bored me. History in whatever form, unless it's a really interesting story, tends to make me sleepy. And since I was already drowsy as is, given that I only got a few hours of sleep, I had to put a lot of effort just to stay awake. Useless, with the exception of not being rude by falling asleep in front of the speaker. I couldn't understand a thing. I didn't even notice if he was being boastful (well, that's what the others said).
Batch bonding after dinner. Which, to me, was more of entertainment than actual bonding. Some groups singing in front, Jerms doing his classic magic show. I was feeling sentimental and contemplative at the time, so I wandered off. As I passed by the dormitories, I noticed a cat following me around. Unmistakable, since it stopped when I did, and even turned around and followed me whenever I go in a different direction. I wanted to get away from it, until I noticed it was sneezing (or something like that. Ehh, point is, it looked sick). I was about to finally give in and befriend the poor thing when someone went and scared it away. I never saw it again...
Day 3:
One final talk. Not all history this time, but it constituted more than half. Sleepiness plus illogically associated insights resulted in nothing learned, again. Enough said.
Personal credo writing. Make your own, and it should be sincere, and it should reflect what you believe in. Here's mine (it got a nice comment from Tita Becky):
"I have decided / Never to step on others on the way up / To reach greater heights by lifting others up / And should I be left far behind / I shall be content in finding success in those whom I have helped to succeed"
Yes, line breaks and first word capitalization. I was feeling poetic at the time. After the writing part, everybody presented them individually in front of the entire batch. There were the serious ones. And then there were the ones that would make you wonder if the author was just pulling your leg. And then, there were the disciples of Cromwell. Basically, what they did was reiterate the points Cromwell made at the start of LEADS about the rules, and they did that to the extent of imitating his intonation. Pretty hilarious, for a while.
Then the "In and Out Circle". Everyone in '05 in a circle, eyes closed, while Sir Vlad and some other person (I do not know who) gave a nice long poetic speech, summarizing the 4 year experience in pisay. I sent a lot of people to tears. My reaction? Nothing. None that you would notice, unless you know me a lot and were watching rather closely. Mine was a zombieish trance and a loss of appetite, which is what happens to me whenever sonething upsets me. Walking a bit slowly towards the dorm, the first thing I did instead of going to the nearby dining hall for lunch was to plop down on my respective bed and distract myself. I had to, to keep up my cover of okayness later on. I had just enough time to fix myself up so I didn't look so distraught. I still didn't feel like eating, though. At the dining hall, I only got a relatively small amount of food, ate quickly, and plopped back on the bed.
After that, well, the bus ride back to pisay ended the batch activity. Oh, wait, the story isn't over yet...
[edit-inserted note: ehh... forget the aftermath. It's irrelevant. And I'm lazy]
Secretive Tendencies
I wish my dad gets a new laptop. When he does, he says I can have the old one he's using right now. It's okay, even if it runs on Windows ME and it's craked and falling apart slightly. I could just reinstall the OS and transfer all the files from the desktop. If I get the money for it, I could replace the CD drive with a CD-RW drive, or get an external mouse.Then I wouldn't have to be stuck with the desktop. I could work in a place away from prying eyes. Like the corner of the room where my bed is. I could even use the thing lying down (try that with a desktop). I could lock it with a password or something so that only I can access the more, er, sensitive files.
Or I could install a game or two, to pass the time. Starcraft, anyone?
Hope For The Flowers
I watched a musical play yesterday entitled "Hope For The Flowers", somewhere in UP. It's based on a book with the same title. Aida got someone to reserve a ticket for me for the 6:00 show. It turns out that the person who reserved my ticket was the same one who did Stripe, the main character!I got there 15 minutes before the doors opened, so I just claimed my ticket and waited. They were serving free coffee outside, available in either the painfully hot, or the iced variety. I settled for the cold one, since I wasn't in the mood to burn my tounge. It wasn't as bitter as I expected it to be, maybe they were serving mocha?
"Hope For The Flowers" is a really nice story. Every time I read it (or watch it, in this case), there's a part of the story that shows some part of society in a different light. I always thought, before, that the caterpillar pillar was about people stepping on others, pushing them down so that they can move up. Now, I realized it was also about people being too busy minding their own business to stop and get to know others.
When the play was over, I went back outside to go home, only to find another discovery. The one who played Stripe (aka the one who reserved my ticket) was a graduate of Pisay, batch 2003. I didn't notice until after the show because, well, he wasn't wearing glasses at the time, and I was too busy enjoying myself.
I just love musicals now...
I Plead Insanity
When will the madness really end?First point: the real deadline for the teacher's submission of grades is on Tuesday, 12:00 noon. That, on my front, means I still have to submit a documentation for my group's circuit so that he can start giving me (and my groupmates) my grades for the circuit, the interview, and of course, the documentation.
And then my groupmate in STR calls up half an hour before midnight telling me to bring the laptop tomorrow because our Results and Discussion part of the final paper has things lacking (according to Maam Cruz daw), so we're going to edit it tomorrow. You know what? I think I'm so exasperated, I'll just give him the laptop and the file and tell him to start fixing it on his own for a while, since it was partly his responsibility in the first place (it was his part of the paper).
I have given up chasing the deadline for the Filipino book report. So I am therefore forfeiting that part of my grade. Now, I'm just doing it for clearance. Heh.
Just when I spread my wings and begin to take flight, I feel the tug of the chain anchoring me to the ground. "Down once more to the dungeon of my black despair/Down we plunge toward the prison of my mind"... from the Phantom of the Opera. I love that line. There are others, but this one just seems to fit the mood right now. Pardon me if I'm becoming incoherent, but I'm a bit sleepy, and I still have a documentation to finish.
Cramming Is Baaaaad
I would like to slam my head against a wall right now, were it not for the fact that I'm busy and I still need my brain function for the meantime.Today is the submission of grades for the teachers. So that means, today is the last day for the submission of anything for it to still have a grade.
I told you, Eugene, to start doing your requirements already, but did you listen? Nooo, you had to start cramming all over again.
If you don't graduate this year, it's your fault. You're the one who didn't submit requirements on time.
Well, what are you still doing here? Get off your lazy blogging ass and start finishing your final paper already. You don't have all day, you know...
I Haven't Been Completely Honest With Someone
I'm sorry.Sorry for being late yesterday. Climbing a simulated cave wall would have been a fun experience. Too bad I missed out on that. I'm sorry I kept you waiting.
A few people might have noticed how I was walking unusually slow that day. Of course, I still have my usual habit of trailing behind in a group, but it's not usually that far behind.
Okay, so some people actually took notice, and expressed concern, as if something was wrong. I'm sorry... something really was bothering me that time, but I lied and said I was just sleepy from the consecutive overnights for the Econ magazine. Well, I was, a bit, but that's not the reason. I don't want to talk about it here. It might seem like a stupid reason, unless you look at it from my perspective.
I'm sorry I didn't tell you then. But when I explain things like that, I want it to be in a serious, isolated type of environment. And besides, if I did, I might have spoiled you enjoyment of the movie. "Constantine" was nice.
If you really want to know more about it, you can pester me tomorrow (Monday). I'll be at pisay, since I still have to submit some projects and stuff. And I still have to collect some payments from people...
Heh. I thought I'd finish off with a little light humor.
It's Been A Long, Long Day
Well... the periodical exams are over. Plus the Econ magazine is finished as well. That, at least, is good.Our Econ group (Group 3) had 2 overnights at Arlou's house this week just to finish the magazine. As one of the three editors in the group, I had to go over the articles after everyone had them encoded into the computer. So I went and checked the text for grammatical, semantical, or whatever other errors that were there, sometimes checking my mail or going online on YM. It was a good thing I wrote my article in advance, since some other people only started then. After that, I really didn't have anything left to do, so I ended up listening to soundtracks of Les Miserables and Phantom of the Opera musicals, listening to a compilation of random MP3's, doing some experimental Java programming, watching CSI or X-Men 2, watching someone's acolyte/priest (couldn't tell which) get beaten up at GH, watching someone else do some Java programming, and finally watching the other people work their asses off on their jobs.
Lesson learned: bored overnights plus CD player equals drained AA batteries. In just those two days I used up one and a half sets of batteries (the half one being a full set used up halfway). So the next time, I'll bring along the AC/DC adapter.
And then there were printing problems. We went over to UP to get it printed, but no matter how hard they tried (half the group, me inluded, stayed in the van), the document wouldn't load. So we gave up and went to Philcoa. After two other groups and a linked versus embedded issue (I'm too lazy to explain right now), we finally finished printing. Total duration? about 4 or so hours...
The magazine turned out nicely. Especially the ads. We scanned advertisements from magazines, then edited the stuff in Photoshop. So basically, almost all the ads in there are just spoofs. Darned hilarious ones, if I might add. The Seiko brand watch turned into Singko ("It's your grade that tells most about who you are"). Red Bull's Barako iced coffee drink turned into Ded Bull's Barado iced coffee drink. And then there's the one and only (I think) non-spoof ad: it reads on top, "what we linke the most about sir vlad:" with a large red X filling the rest of the page... almost. at the bottom, it reads "factor" in small print, as in X-factor. We also have a subscription coupon (or whatever you call it) spoof. We edited Vogue to be read as Vogie (doesn't make for much humor outside pisay, though). You should see the last ad, though.
Okay, so we got all that done. Just clearance now, right? Nope... I still have to do our Results and Discussion part of the STR final paper, my Pinoy book report, and our group's AdEl circuit. We're not out of the woods yet...
