Second Soliloquy
A journey into the mindscape...
If This is Who I am...
Years have passed. I am not quite who I used to be. The passage of time, and the experiences it has brought along, has caused a number of changes inside. A little more courage. A little more patience. A little more wisdom. But a closer inspection reveals something entirely different. The choices I have made have caused change for the worse. Despite all the good traits I have, half-finished tasks, susceptibility to distractions, and oftentimes a perfectionist attitude far outweigh, in my perception at the least, my other attributes.And as if that was not a large enough concern, I often find myself helpless to the tides of time. Though I wanted to change myself in a certain way, I seem to have no control over this. I daresay it is controlled by fate itself. Free will has lost but a trickle of its power, now almost limited to minor decisions over trivial matters.
No, this cannot be right! Some part of it does not make sense to me, something that makes me want to reject it altogether. There must be some flaw in my reasoning, or perhaps a minor detail I have yet to percieve. Or am I under a hypnotic trance, cast by the very personality, or personalities even, that I wished to change in the first place? Will I then need someone to help me break loose from this affliction? A family memeber, or a close friend? Or perhaps even a stranger listening now to my melancholic monologue?
It is this flood of emotion that plagues me whenever I am alone, truly alone. When all sight of me has been blocked by distance or obstruction, when my thoughts then run free, albeit in a world of darkness. Because of this, I am grateful, at least, for the tiny point of light shining through amidst all the gloom. It is this hope that has kept me going through this world, in an attempt to find a cure for this malady. It is the reason I have not given up the fight altogether.
